10 ways I’ve changed since becoming a mom
Did you know science confirms you’re a different person after giving birth? Your kids’ cells can stick around in your body. I thought maybe scientists were talking about how we can multi-task like a mother. (I hope you laughed out loud.) No? Well, there’s no denying we women are different after becoming a mom regardless of how we get the title. Here’s a few ways I’ve changed for the better.
1. I honor authenticity. My daughter has vastly different interests and talents than me when I was her age. She’s an avid reader and very athletic. At 12 years old, she’s rarely nervous to try new things like snorkeling, skiing or even sushi. She’s great at math and can design impressive art on Procreate and Canva. Both my kids are also learning French, thanks to Duolingo. We have to allow our children to create their own paths and honor their individual interests. It takes work to stand in your kid’s individuality and honor your own too. I believe it’s important to honor who your kid is, not who you want them to be.
2. Children echo our essence. If kids aren’t the best spiritual teachers, then I don’t know who is. I am more easily triggered, but I can now recognize why. I see my “flaws” reflected back at me every day. Kids are good at showing you what you need to work on within yourself. I see some of my least favorite personality and character traits staring me in the face. It’s eye-opening to recognize why certain behaviors bother me - because they’re things that I do. What we do, they become.
3. It’s easier to make new friends. Kids can be instant friend-makers for us parents. I’ve met so many great mom friends through my kids’ school, sports teams and club activities. It gives a sense of shared purpose and re-iterates the importance of community. There’s a positive feeling when you’re part of a group. I also really appreciate and enjoy meeting new people in this season of life - where I feel like I’m showing up as my best self.
4. I ask for help. We have been sold the lie that we can (and should) do it all ourselves. Nothing is farther from the truth. From a young age, many women are taught—explicitly or implicitly—that they should be nurturing, self-sufficient, and accommodating caretakers. That means putting yourself last and not “burdening” others with your own needs. When you’re constantly in the role of helper, it can feel odd to ask for help. I used to have a fear of being seen as incapable or incompetent feeling the need to prove myself. The bottom line: We all need help sometimes and it’s important to ask for what we need. Consider this your permission slip.
5. My intuition is heightened. I often get gut feelings (especially about their health) about my kids, and I’m almost always right. My husband laughs about the number of times I’ve taken kids to the doctor only to return two days later because I knew it was more than “just a virus.” Moms know when something’s off. Now if we would all just listen to these feelings when it comes to ourselves, not just our kids!
6. I’m more compassionate. We’re all dealing with something and obviously our priorities change when we become parents. I definitely believe in second chances, perhaps more than ever. The suffering of any child or person feels like it’s my own. Maybe it’s more empathy, maybe it’s simply understanding that parenting is hard work.
7. I’m more determined to reach my goals. I want my kids to know they should “go for it” too – whatever their dreams may be. It’s never too late to try. If we don’t instill this in them now, why would they think it’s okay later in life? I’ve regularly heard parents say they don’t let their kids try new things in regards to sports or activities because “the kid is already too far behind,” etc. and that hurts my heart. It’s a gift to have a growth mindset. If we don’t give kids space to explore, take risks and fail in third grade, they’ll be less likely to take on bigger challenges later in life.
8. My gratitude has increased. I look at my kids and feel so thankful for their good health and joy they bring my husband and me. Also, a quiet morning, a hot cup of coffee, or a full night’s sleep can feel like a luxury. Motherhood allows you to notice and be grateful for tiny, everyday moments. Plus, I have a whole new appreciation for what my own parents did (or didn’t) do. Lastly, I’m so thankful for my support systems. (See above on asking for help.) Whether it’s a friend or lovely college girl who drives my kids – small acts of kindness hit differently when you're stretched thin.
9. It’s re-inforced my thoughts about the value of a good education. There’s more than one way to solve a problem. We need critical thinkers now more than ever. I think so many issues in our country could be solved if all our kids could receive a great education from properly supported teachers and have access to books to learn and discover great new things our world has to offer. Having important life discussions, not avoiding hard conversations and educating all kids is one of the best ways to create change for our next generation.
10. I require more sleep to be my best self. My health is more important. I read somewhere a question that asked, “You’d be willing to die for your kids, but would you live for them?” Yikes, that’s something to think about for sure. Taking care of ourselves is so important. I have an entire sleep ritual that I do and as a somewhat older mom, I’m really focused on doing what I need for myself so that I can take care of kids. When we get to be the best version of ourselves each day, it makes a difference.
I was inspired by @finleyrobinson’s newsletter on how parenting changes us. If you want sound parenting advice, you should sign up for his Family Friday Newsletter. How has being a parent changed you? Would love to hear from you!